Another Valentine’s Day

Once up a time, long, long ago, there were seven beautiful fairies. They were sisters. The youngest one being the fairest of all and the only one not yet married. One day they decided to see what the mortals look like. They came to a beautiful lake in a far away land called the Middle Kingdom. The people in the Middle Kingdom call their own place Zhong Guo—Zhong means middle; Guo means Kingdom or country. They believe their place is in the middle of the world. People who don't live there call the place China.

On one exceptional bright summer day. The birds were chirping, the breeze was whispering through the woods. The seven sisters came to a beautiful lake in a forest in the Middle Kingdom. They took off their clothes, dipped into the cool water, and sang and giggled and frolicked.

Cowhand happened to bring his cow to the lake for some water. He heard the happy laughters and got curious. Hiding behind the trees, he saw the 7 beautiful fairies. Being a guy, he stole the most colorful dress, which was made of rainbow colored feathers. That dress happened to belong to the youngest of the sisters. Her name was Weaver. She got this name because she was the best weaver. She wove the dawn and the dusk skies with beautiful gold, red, purple, and the other colors we don’t even have the names for. Her long shining hair was like black silk running down a waterfall, her eyes were like two twinkling stars in a hot summer night, her lips were red as rubies, and her teeth were like sea shells neatly strung together. Her body was flawless, but I dare not describe it in my blog.

When the fairies set about to go home, Weaver found that she had nothing to wear. In those days, girls were not allowed to be naked in public. Therefore, she was left behind while the 6 sisters went back to Heaven and reported the incident to their father, the Emperor of Heaven. Poor Weaver had no choice but to find Cowhand to ask him to return the dress. After seeing how beautiful the dress was, Cowhand knew that Weaver could be an excellent homemaker. Considering the other things he also saw, Cowhand, being a guy, asked Weaver to marry him. Weaver had to accept the proposal because she had let the guy see her naked charm. There was just no other way around—her reputation as a maiden was at stake. But, after putting on her dress she had to go back to tell her parents—that also could not be avoided; that’s just the way the Middle Kingdom was.

The father got very angry—how can a marriage happen without the father’s approval first! He wanted to put the young couple to death. The mother, being a mother, pleaded and pleaded to her husband:
“Now the rice has been steamed, your daughter needs a husband to save her reputation. It’s our reputation as well, you know. Can’t you just punish them and teach them a lesson? Can’t you remember the way we were before we got married?” The six sisters also pleaded along with their mother.

The father, now that his face had been saved, said OK, but still insisted that they be separated and never to see each other again. He turned Weaver into a star called Vega in the Lyra constellation and he turned Cowhand into a star called Altair in the Aquila constellation. Vega and Altair are so far apart, even if they were to travel toward each other at the speed of light, it would take 8 years to meet in the middle.

After a few years, the mother and the sisters pleaded again:
“Can’t you let them get a little closer sometime? You don’t need to let them touch each other; just let them at least see each other once a year. That’s not too much to ask, is it?”

The father, his rage softened a little over the years, relented and allowed Weaver (Vega) and Cowhand (Altair) to get closer on the 7th night of the 7th month on the lunar calendar. In addition to that, the mother, being a mother, behind her husband’s back, arranged the magpies to form a bridge between the 2 stars, so that the two love birds can steal a kiss or maybe two, for just one night a year.

Therefore, every year on July 7th of the lunar calendar, people in China would raise their heads to the night sky. They know the numerous white dots connecting Vega and Altair are those benevolent magpies. Even though the Chinese people suffer many hardships in their daily life; but for one night a year they are a romantic people. They coined the phrase "the Magpie Bridge" to mean match-making and look at magpies as a symbol of good luck. The Chinese maidens would practice their weaving and knitting skills and other homemaking skills all year round in order to compete on July 7th and to pray to the Seven Fairies and the Magpies for “Matchmakers, Matchmakers, make me a match.” Some of them pray for the blessing that their dads won’t get mad because they found their own sweethearts.

The people in Taiwan, Hong Kong, Korean, and Vietnam also celebrate July 7th on the lunar calendar as a Valentine’s Day. Japanese, being the most practical one in the East Asia, do it on July 7th on the western calendar.

Emphatic Listening

Jan. 24, 2008

Mr. Toastmaster, fellow toastmasters, and honored guests:

I believe everyone in this room can hear. But, is there anyone here willing to admit that he or she can use a reminder on how to listen effectively? I admit I need a reminder.

The toastmasters’ manual teaches us to not only listen carefully with an open mind but also to observe the body languages. In a famous book called “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, Mr. Stephen Covey describes a habit called “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” as one of the 7 habits. To achieve this, he advised emphatic listening—put yourself in the speaker’s shoes.

Since people say a picture is worth a thousand words, I wonder if there’s a picture I can use to remind myself of all the ingredients of emphatic listening.

I remember a story I heard when I was a kid. There was a contest in which the contestants were asked to draw a picture of quietness, of serenity. The winner drew a baby bird with her eyes closed, snoozing on a rock under a roaring waterfall.

How can I draw a picture to sum up the ingredients of emphatic listening?
Can this picture serve the purpose? <Gesture: Put a hand behind an ear and lean forward.>
Does it project an image of applying my knowledge and experience with an open mind?
I am artistically challenged. I cannot draw a picture worth anything, but I do know how to draw symbols—Chinese word symbols. Let me draw it and see if it makes sense.

• This is an ear. 耳

• This is the number 1. 一

• 士; This symbol represents a person; not just a casual person, but a learned person, who sets high goals for himself, who feels the responsibility to the society, who takes life as a never ending endeavor of learning. The concept of such a person is universal in all Confucian cultures. By Confucian cultures, I include Taiwanese, Chinese, Japanese, and Korean cultures. Such a person is well respected, is what every parent wants his or her children to be or strive to become. This is a very significant person, and yet he humbly hides underneath a large ear.

Doesn’t it conjure up an image of one person applying his knowledge and experience while keeping his ego and his pre-mature judgments at bay, and listening with all ears?

• This is the number 10. 十

• This is the symbol for eye rotated 90 degrees. It says two eyes plus your mind’s eye. 目

• This is the number 1 again. It means one, completely and undivided.

• This is the word for heart or mind. 心

聽; Put together, it means a learned person who puts his undivided attention to listen with his ears, to watch with his eyes, and to observe with his mind’s eye while keeping his ego and prejudice in check.

This is how the word “listen” is written in Chinese and in Japanese.
Ladies and gentlemen, do you think this picture is a pretty good summary of the ingredients of emphatic listening?

Mr. Toastmaster.
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聽 Listen
聞 Smell, Hear; <== 耳 Ear; 門 Door
e.g. 聞笛,
e.g. 春眠不覺曉，處處聞啼鳥

Tea and a Glimpse of Chinese Culture

June 28, 2007

Last Friday, I went to a Starbucks with my wife. The customer in front of us wanted a cup of tea; she was very particular in wanting “cha tea”, not “tea tea”. Do you know what’s the difference between “cha” and “tea”?

Madam Toastmaster, my fellow toastmasters, and most welcomed guests:

I grew up in a Tea Culture. I think I know the difference. There are many dialects in China. In a southern providence where the tea originated, it is called “Tee”. In Mandarin, it is called “Cha”. When it’s written down, “Cha” and “Tea” are identical. 茶. The difference between “cha” and “tea” is like the difference between PO-TEI-TO and PO-TA-TO.

To make a cup of coffee, you put in a spoon of coffee and hit the “Brew” button. To make 2 cups of coffee, you put in 2 spoonfuls. You expect the same result every time. That’s efficient, predictable, and repeatable. It makes every engineer and every American proud.

Not so with tea. If you ask a Chinese friend how much tea you should put in and how long you should wait before serving it, you will get answers such as: Well, it depends. What’s the weather like? What’s your mood today? What kind of friends are you serving today? Fortunately, you can always depend on a straight talking engineer to give you some practical answer: Experiment with it a few times. If you want it stronger, put in more tea or let it stay in the pot for a little longer.

The only thing you need to remember is that you should never, ever use a stopwatch to time it as if you were boiling an egg, because it’s just not the Chinese way. What IS the Chinese way, then. You would ask.

It is about enjoying whatever is served. Try to distinguish what’s different this time from the last time you had it. Try to compare it with life—the bitterness and the sweetness of life and what’s in between, what was your mood the last time you had tea, were your friends in good spirit?

It is about anticipating what your next serving of tea will be like. Will you be drinking alone, or with your spouse in your quiet backyard, or having a hearty party with a few friends whom you haven’t seen for a long time? I shall never expect that two servings of tea to be the same nor would I want it that way.

I’ve heard that there are scientific papers saying tea contains anti oxidants, which are very good for you and that they may even prevent some cancers. I think this completely misses the point. Tea drinking is not about physical well-being; it is about a cozy tete-a-tete with a friend in a cold night. As any cultured Chinese person will tell you: 有詩為證，there’s a poem to prove it. (Here’s a poem written some 700 or so years ago.)

It’s a cold night; a guest comes to visit.
Instead of wine, I bring out my tea pot.
In the flickering amber, the water starts to boil.
Outside the window, it’s the same moon I see everyday.
But just because there’s a plum flower,
the moon is entirely different today.

The plum flower means the friend. You don’t want to spell out “friend” or describe the flavor of the tea explicitly. That would be blatant.

Chinese culture is not about producing a product in a repeatable way. It is about enjoying things in a subtle way that you cannot express precisely, but you will feel it long after the event has come to pass.

So is tea-drinking. You feel the subtle after-taste that is neither sweet nor bitter. It is a little of both and yet a completely different concept. The Chinese language calls it 餘韻 “Yu-Yun”.
To experience it …

<Strike the bell. wait a few second. Strike it again.>

餘韻。 Literally the word means reverberation, resonance—the sound a bell makes after being struck. Figuratively it implies that something experienced stimulates the imagination and causes a positive memory to linger in the mind. Hard to tell when it ends. Everyone experiences it a little differently.
餘韻， that’s the essence of Chinese calligraphy, of Chinese brush painting, and perhaps many other Chinese art forms as well. Ladies and Gentlemen, That’s a glimpse of Chinese culture in a simple cup of tea.
Mr./Madam Toastmaster.
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寒夜 （杜來；？﹣﹣１２２５）

寒夜客來茶當酒，竹爐湯沸火初紅。
尋常一樣窗前月，才有梅花便不同。